Fake it 'till ya make it!

Few things worth doing are easy. Often, it is that which is most difficult for us to accomplish that become our greatest victories. I think that we often forget that something that is a challenge for us at a single juncture in time will not always be so, and that only through our perseverance will we be triumphant in our efforts. Changing the way we think may be one of the great challenges we ever face. As we've grown up, we have developed familiar patterns of thinking, paths which have been well worn by the numerous footprints of our thoughts. When we encounter something new and unfamiliar, our minds process whatever it may be in the same way we've learned to process everything.
So, when it comes to our self esteem and body image, we have laid a frequently traveled road across our minds, one that sports heavy traffic on a continuous basis. While this road is certainly not the only method of travel in our minds, it is the one we know best and hesitate to stray from for fear of becoming lost.
To put it simply, we are used to looking in the mirror and criticizing ourselves. We are used to thinking about how fat we are, about what we are dissatisfied with, about what can be changed. We are used to complaining about our bodies to our friends, and we are used to listening to our friends complain about their bodies to us.
What we are less familiar with is questioning these often traveled trails of thought, or with dismissing our negative attitudes and replacing them with self affirmations. What we are less familiar with is congratulating ourselves for being amazing people, for cheering up a friend, or for studying really hard for a test.
It is comfortable for us to treat ourselves poorly, to fixate on our flaws continuously and mercilessly. It's what our society has trained us to do.
But like I mentioned before, few things worth doing are easy, and though treating ourselves with the kindness and compassion that we so easily bestow upon others is far from the norm for many of us, I know that we will benefit enormously from trying. How could we not?
A while back, I heard someone say something that has never left my mind. She told me that it would take a long time for me to learn how to love myself, but that going through the motions would help me "fake it till I make it". That is, though I may not have been full of self love, by pretending that I was through non-passive actions like self affirmation, actively stopping my negative thought process, and focusing on my internal qualities, I would eventually begin to believe in myself and come to embrace myself as a good and worthwhile individual. As time has passed, I feel proud to say that I have begun to have to "fake it" less and less. Of course not everyday is a beacon of perfect self esteem, but who says I have to be perfect? ;) Life, as well as everything we do in life, is a process, and loving ourselves is no exception.
Keep up the great work, you're amazing!

Until next time,
Steph

A Question...

When do you stop wanting what you can't have?
When do you lean back and serenely smile, accepting yourself for who you are and what you are, unconditionally and irrevocably?
Will a time ever come that our lust for perfection will dwindle? That though we continue to drive ourselves through our goals and ideals we no longer subject our external selves to the pain and madness that is the result of our striving for unattainable flawlessness?
It's hard to say. We try the best we can to be the best we can, and it often is with the best intentions that we damage ourselves most severely.
And though our cognition is most likely intact, and though we are most likely sensible, intelligent people in many other aspects of our lives, we continue to fight reality and everything that we know in the hopes of becoming physically superhuman.
Will a time come when enough is enough and we can just enjoy what we've already been blessed with? When we can push ourselves intellectually, physically and emotionally while still maintaining an underlying and unwavering love for who we are?
I don't have the answer to that. But I sincerely hope we figure it out soon.
Till next time,
Steph

Grrr...

Do you ever have one of those days? You know, the kind where it feels like nothing is really going the way you want it to? Where you feel unproductive, lazy, and overall just kind of bad about yourself? And let me ask you this, when you have that kind of day, what is your reaction against yourself? Do you tell yourself that you're stupid? Or lazy and worthless? Or do you look in the mirror and think about how fat you are?
I am having one of those days today. But I am going to fight against it. Because my lack of accomplishment in one day does not mean that I am less of a person! Not going to the gym for one day does not make me fat! It's always my first instinct to take out my aggravation or disappointment on myself, and for what? Is deciding that I am really a lazy, stupid, overweight person going to help me feel any better about my day? The answer is obvious.
But the real question here is why? Why do we insist on blaming our character or our intelligence or our bodies for the valleys in the roller coasters that are our lives? What does my body have to do with my bad day? Nothing! Absolutely nothing! We wage war on ourselves for the smallest flaws in our lives. Why? Because it's something we can control? Maybe.
Think about this. Would you ever treat someone else the way you treat yourself? Would you ever tell your friend that her bad day happened because she is too fat or lazy? I hope not. (And if you would, that's a whole other issue to work on!) But if you would never dream of saying something like that to someone else, why is it okay to speak so viciously, so cruelly to yourself? I for one can't come up with a reason.
Someone very wise once told me to imagine myself as I was when I was three or four years old. A little girl, all smiles and chubby cheeks and songs. They asked me to imagine someone coming up to that three or four year old girl, grabbing her belly fat, and telling her that she would never be anything worthwhile, that she was dumb and fat and ugly, and that she had better get her life together because she hadn't accomplished anything. Can you imagine that? It kind of makes me want to cry. But this is the way we talk to ourselves everyday! How is that okay?
I'm not saying it's an easy pattern to break. I know personally just how hard it is to give yourself a break, or to even just say something nice about yourself. But we have to try! In the end, we are the only person that we will have, 100% throughout our entire life. Our relationship with ourselves is probably the most important relationship we will ever have, and look at how abusive it can be! Would we tolerate this kind of treatment from a boyfriend or girlfriend? I sincerely hope not.
So, let's work on it! Let's make a concerted effort to see ourselves through the eyes of someone else, and before we attack ourselves for not being perfect, let's imagine ourselves as the child we all once were. Maybe we'll think twice before we condemn ourselves for not getting to the gym, or for not studying enough.
What do you think? Comment and let me know how it's going for you.
Good luck, and rock on!
Till next time,
Steph

Some Quotage For Ya

"Everybody is unique. Compare not yourself with anybody else lest you spoil God’s curriculum.”
— Baal Shem Tov

The Baal Shem Tov (aka Besht) was a Jewish mystical rabbi considered to be the founder of Hasidic Judaism. Though he lived in the 1700's, I'd say he was on to something, you think?



"Outside show is a poor substitute for inner worth.”
— Aesop

Speaks for itself, I dare say.

A Little Empowerment to Get Your Day Going

Despite our irritation with the thin obsessed nature of our society, we do not have to become victims. Just like a child born into a poor family, or someone who has experienced any kind of hardship during their life, we have the power to rise above our situation, to not give in to the pressures that we find pressing in on us. We may have to fight hard, we may not always want to challenge the norms that surround us, but if we don't, where will we end up?
You may be wondering, why try to fight it? What difference is it going to make, I still want to look like these beautiful people. But think about this. To always be chasing the impossible, to constantly be fixated on the way we look, on our external image, is really an epic waste of time. Think of the strengths we've all been given, and think of the good that we can bring into the world by utilizing them. I can't argue that it shouldn't matter to us how we look, because of course it does! But to recognize that the way we look is only one small part of us, that we have a plethora of other gifts to give to the world is what will help us put the importance of our external image in perspective. You are the only person in the world who is exactly like you. (Too cliche for you?) But it's true. No one else can do the things that you can in exactly the way that you do. So it's time to begin to focus on what really matters to us.
In 20 years, what do you want to have done? Do you want to have impacted the world in some way? Do you want to have brought some good into this planet, or to have inspired someone else to do good? Because by continuously scrutinizing our bodies, we're losing a lot of time that could be spent accomplishing goals, or making friends, or just enjoying our lives.
Crazy right? To me, it's pretty crazy that we can forget how amazing we are just because we feel dissatisfied with the way we look. It's such a small part of us! But we all do it. I definitely do! But you know what's funny? As soon as I get the chance to pull my nose out of whatever fashion magazine I'm so seriously studying and just take a little walk, or talk to a friend, or concentrate on something else, I feel the pieces of the puzzle that is my life falling back into place.
So, I ask you, what can you do to help yourself feel as wonderful as I know you are? Maybe it's drawing, or writing, or talking to a friend, or just sitting outside. Whatever it is that you need to do, do it! I know I'm going to try as well.
Let me know how it all goes, and remember, you rock!
Till Next Time,
Steph

Frustration Nation

I'm angry. I'm angry about the state of the society in which girls have to grow up today. I'm angry that despite our most valiant efforts, we continue to be bombarded and negatively affected by the women we see in the media. You can say it, how overdone and almost cliche this topic has become. But for myself, I must rage against the unfair expectations that we have developed for ourselves, largely due to the unattainable body types we see on every magazine cover, in every editorial, every billboard, commercial, and music video. It isn't fair. And it isn't right.
I'm angry that no matter how hard I try, I envy these girls. I envy the simplicity of their silhouettes, I envy their spotless faces and I envy the recognition they receive for their win in the genetic lottery. I'm tired of fighting feelings of insignificance and ugliness every time I read a magazine, or watch a show on television.
I'm angry that an industry that is so insanely plastic and so transparently shallow can have the power to dismantle my self esteem, when I've worked for so long and so diligently to learn how to love me for me, without the condition of looking a certain way.
I'm angry. I'm so tired of the hypocrisy that flows through the veins of a society that preaches self esteem while really bringing us down with impossible standards of perfection that can only be achieved by means of photo shop or starvation.
It's wrong. Really wrong. But let's get real here, is this honestly going to change? Or is it something we need to learn to live with, this feeling of inadequacy and mediocrity when comparing ourselves to women whose rail thin exteriors have gained them countless accolades and turned them into goddesses whom we worship almost religiously?
It's really sick when you think about it.
And something has to change.
Or else we will be swallowed up by starvation, diet pills, and plastic surgery.
We deserve to love ourselves, we deserve to look in the mirror and feel beautiful, not because we are what a magazine says we should be, but because we are proud of who we are and what we stand for and because gosh darn it, we think we look pretty damn hot thank you very much!
Easier said than done right?
But we need to work on this, and maybe if we all work together, we won't have to stand in front of a mirror scrutinizing our bellies, our cellulite (which is NORMAL) and the pimples that pop up monthly (also NORMAL!).
Alright, though I could go on forever, I'll stop here and let you process all of this until next time.
Love you all, and I hope you love yourselves too.
Until next time,
Steph