Fake it 'till ya make it!

Few things worth doing are easy. Often, it is that which is most difficult for us to accomplish that become our greatest victories. I think that we often forget that something that is a challenge for us at a single juncture in time will not always be so, and that only through our perseverance will we be triumphant in our efforts. Changing the way we think may be one of the great challenges we ever face. As we've grown up, we have developed familiar patterns of thinking, paths which have been well worn by the numerous footprints of our thoughts. When we encounter something new and unfamiliar, our minds process whatever it may be in the same way we've learned to process everything.
So, when it comes to our self esteem and body image, we have laid a frequently traveled road across our minds, one that sports heavy traffic on a continuous basis. While this road is certainly not the only method of travel in our minds, it is the one we know best and hesitate to stray from for fear of becoming lost.
To put it simply, we are used to looking in the mirror and criticizing ourselves. We are used to thinking about how fat we are, about what we are dissatisfied with, about what can be changed. We are used to complaining about our bodies to our friends, and we are used to listening to our friends complain about their bodies to us.
What we are less familiar with is questioning these often traveled trails of thought, or with dismissing our negative attitudes and replacing them with self affirmations. What we are less familiar with is congratulating ourselves for being amazing people, for cheering up a friend, or for studying really hard for a test.
It is comfortable for us to treat ourselves poorly, to fixate on our flaws continuously and mercilessly. It's what our society has trained us to do.
But like I mentioned before, few things worth doing are easy, and though treating ourselves with the kindness and compassion that we so easily bestow upon others is far from the norm for many of us, I know that we will benefit enormously from trying. How could we not?
A while back, I heard someone say something that has never left my mind. She told me that it would take a long time for me to learn how to love myself, but that going through the motions would help me "fake it till I make it". That is, though I may not have been full of self love, by pretending that I was through non-passive actions like self affirmation, actively stopping my negative thought process, and focusing on my internal qualities, I would eventually begin to believe in myself and come to embrace myself as a good and worthwhile individual. As time has passed, I feel proud to say that I have begun to have to "fake it" less and less. Of course not everyday is a beacon of perfect self esteem, but who says I have to be perfect? ;) Life, as well as everything we do in life, is a process, and loving ourselves is no exception.
Keep up the great work, you're amazing!

Until next time,
Steph

A Question...

When do you stop wanting what you can't have?
When do you lean back and serenely smile, accepting yourself for who you are and what you are, unconditionally and irrevocably?
Will a time ever come that our lust for perfection will dwindle? That though we continue to drive ourselves through our goals and ideals we no longer subject our external selves to the pain and madness that is the result of our striving for unattainable flawlessness?
It's hard to say. We try the best we can to be the best we can, and it often is with the best intentions that we damage ourselves most severely.
And though our cognition is most likely intact, and though we are most likely sensible, intelligent people in many other aspects of our lives, we continue to fight reality and everything that we know in the hopes of becoming physically superhuman.
Will a time come when enough is enough and we can just enjoy what we've already been blessed with? When we can push ourselves intellectually, physically and emotionally while still maintaining an underlying and unwavering love for who we are?
I don't have the answer to that. But I sincerely hope we figure it out soon.
Till next time,
Steph

Grrr...

Do you ever have one of those days? You know, the kind where it feels like nothing is really going the way you want it to? Where you feel unproductive, lazy, and overall just kind of bad about yourself? And let me ask you this, when you have that kind of day, what is your reaction against yourself? Do you tell yourself that you're stupid? Or lazy and worthless? Or do you look in the mirror and think about how fat you are?
I am having one of those days today. But I am going to fight against it. Because my lack of accomplishment in one day does not mean that I am less of a person! Not going to the gym for one day does not make me fat! It's always my first instinct to take out my aggravation or disappointment on myself, and for what? Is deciding that I am really a lazy, stupid, overweight person going to help me feel any better about my day? The answer is obvious.
But the real question here is why? Why do we insist on blaming our character or our intelligence or our bodies for the valleys in the roller coasters that are our lives? What does my body have to do with my bad day? Nothing! Absolutely nothing! We wage war on ourselves for the smallest flaws in our lives. Why? Because it's something we can control? Maybe.
Think about this. Would you ever treat someone else the way you treat yourself? Would you ever tell your friend that her bad day happened because she is too fat or lazy? I hope not. (And if you would, that's a whole other issue to work on!) But if you would never dream of saying something like that to someone else, why is it okay to speak so viciously, so cruelly to yourself? I for one can't come up with a reason.
Someone very wise once told me to imagine myself as I was when I was three or four years old. A little girl, all smiles and chubby cheeks and songs. They asked me to imagine someone coming up to that three or four year old girl, grabbing her belly fat, and telling her that she would never be anything worthwhile, that she was dumb and fat and ugly, and that she had better get her life together because she hadn't accomplished anything. Can you imagine that? It kind of makes me want to cry. But this is the way we talk to ourselves everyday! How is that okay?
I'm not saying it's an easy pattern to break. I know personally just how hard it is to give yourself a break, or to even just say something nice about yourself. But we have to try! In the end, we are the only person that we will have, 100% throughout our entire life. Our relationship with ourselves is probably the most important relationship we will ever have, and look at how abusive it can be! Would we tolerate this kind of treatment from a boyfriend or girlfriend? I sincerely hope not.
So, let's work on it! Let's make a concerted effort to see ourselves through the eyes of someone else, and before we attack ourselves for not being perfect, let's imagine ourselves as the child we all once were. Maybe we'll think twice before we condemn ourselves for not getting to the gym, or for not studying enough.
What do you think? Comment and let me know how it's going for you.
Good luck, and rock on!
Till next time,
Steph